Monday, June 16, 2008

Things I learned this week.

#1. There is a very fine line between hobby, side job, and mental illness.

#2. Don't start the weekend on Thursday if you need to work on Friday.

#3. Common sense is not that common.

#4. If you have to work in 98 degree heat with 99% humidity hire someone else to do the work.

#5. Mini is right more than wrong, I just seem to be more lucky than right.

#6. Never lick and envelope agressively you can papercut your tongue.

#7. Never drink lots tequela and eat lots jalapenos on the same night. No matter how good either of them taste.

#8. Movies at 2:45 on Friday afternoon have no kids in them. Ever.

#9. My hot water heater only has 48 minutes worth of hot water.

#10. Seriously Rich people don't care about how much something costs as long as no one else can have one but them.


#11. I would like to state that M. Night Shyamalan's new movie "The Happening" really was sad. I don't mean sad like it made me cry, because it did, but if only for the fact that it sucked 8 bucks from my wallet. It was so bad I don't even know where to start. OK I lied I do know where to start all this between each of my Load Balancers install tonight. Here we go, why "The Happening" was such a sorry movie by "ME!". Stop now if you don't want spoilers but honestly keep reading it might save you the 3 hours you will loose.

a. They are killed by...wait for it "Trees". COME ON! Trees? Honestly? As in a large oak? Yea it seems that the trees are pissed off and they are decided to release a toxin into the air. This is not be confused with pollen, you know why because you can kind of see pollen, this not so much. In fact it might as well have been Iocaine Powder. So how do they scare you with a colorless, odderless, tasteless toxin? That leads me to reason b.

b. The wind carries the toxin...oh dear lord...RUN FROM THE WIND...Every time the wind blows people die. Go know the toxin and all.

c. The Iocaine pow...Toxin it makes you "STOP HAMMER TIME!"...I kid, you just stop dead in your tracks and find the most visually graphic way to kill yourself. I mean you could just stop breathing but that does not look good on film. So you stop for like 10 seconds...then start again to turn on and a huge lawn mower, then point it up hill so that it will do a u-turn and head back toward you, then it slows down for dramatic tempo as you lay down and stretch and arm out in front of you because even tho you don't care it looks damn cool as it throws arm chunks out the front. Crap, pure crap. Yea that was a long the movie long and drawn out.

d. Ok I will wrap the crappy movie fest up rapid fire. Run from high population them there trees can count and kill people in large numbers, they get sensitive and start killing in smaller numbers, sidekick bites the dust, dumb soldier pops up, they run for the hills as group 2 kills themselves as group one "outruns" the wind. Crazy old lady head buts herself to death, they outlive the Killers tree by shear luck, the end.

Pure drivel.




G3T Films said...

Tequela and jalapenos... check! Thanks for the heads up.

And as for #1, um, yes, true, very true.

Chunk said...

Yep, sucked...but I don't regret catching that 2 hour crapfest of a movie with you guys versus mowing my lawn.

javajo said...

Oh my the first four are classic!

I refuse to watch movies directed, produced, or screenplayed by M. Night Shaliwastemytimenmoney if they are post "I see dead people".

The Phosgene Kid said...

Being killed by trees isn't so far fetched, just ask Sonny Bono!!

Jewels said...

#1 1, 6, and 7... Yup... been there... Oh, and don't follow 6 directly with 7... Yowza! ;)

PHOS! Only you... :D

snowelf said...

whoa--that's pretty stupid. And how similar is that toxins in the air plot to the one in Signs? I mean really? Did he just make the same iffy movie twice?


--snow, who has papercut her tongue.